9th May 2010
9th May 2010
Dear Princess,
It's 12:30 AM and I have never done so much crying in all my life. This morning you were mine, I could hug you or pick you up whenever I wanted. You got photographs done by a professional photographer in a pretty denim dress, you had a bath and was so beautiful floating in the water. You loved it. You hate anything going over your head though, vest, top, anything, you scream your little lungs out. Your head must be sore from the vacuum.
The nurse noticed you were a bit yellow, so they did a heal prick blood test for jaundice and coombs disease????
One of the nurses came in later in the afternoon around lunchtime and said the test came back a little high for jaundice so you would need to go under the UV lights in a humidity crib.
Your dad and I stole you away from the ward which we got in trouble for and went downstairs to get some lunch (the hospital food is revolting!) you looked so content and everyone commented how cute you were.
Then we got a call from the ward to ask if you were with us and advised that all babies have to stay on the ward and also your dad's family was there waiting for us, and that the crib was ready for you.
I came up, hardly said two words to your dad's family which I felt pretty bad about. I was completely composed while they told me of the results, the Jaundice, the risks etc. It wasn't until you were naked and they went to put your little sunglasses and Tubigrip over your head and you started screaming that I couldn't compose myself anymore. I burst into tears.
Your dad was talking to his family but came over and comforted me a bit. I calmed down when you did, then I started again when I needed to leave you. I can't believe 48 hours ago my waters broke. It felt so long ago.
Anyway, your dad's family started asking questions about what was going on and I told them I didn't want to talk about it. Your grandma wasn't too impressed by I didn't care. Luckily your dad had asked them to leave before I was going to tell them to.
As soon as I knew they were all gone, I collapsed on the bed and cried, and cried, and cried.
You had another blood test done at 6:00 PM and I fed you once, I also had to express as well because I couldn't give you enough, which was not an enjoyable experience. The poor midwife student had to do it because I couldn't figure it out.
Around 9:00 PM the midwife came around and told us that the blood results have come through and the jaundice levels had increased despite the lights and you would need to go across to the specialist ward to go under more photo...something...lights. I cried again.
You were due for a feed at 10:00 PM so I went across and started to feed you, but you wouldn't take the breast and the pediatrician said to come straight to the other ward, which is where you are now, under 4 UV lights and a Billy Blanket light, a drip in your tiny hand, tubes attached to your ankle to take your pulse and I'm so helpless.
I stood there and watched you cry and I couldn't do anything. It was so upsetting. Your dad was good though, he asked all the questions. The results came back positive for Coombs Disease, so they are going to give you a drug to fight the antibodies or something.
Apparently, my blood type and your blood type are different, and they are fighting, so your blood needs to become stronger so they are giving you a drug that will help you do this. Hopefully, the drug and the lights will help lower your Jaundice levels.
If not, you will need to have a blood transfer exchange where they take some of your blood out and put in whatever blood group is yours, if it gets too high, your chances of having an intellectual brain disorder are pretty high.
That won't happen.
In about 24 hours, they are going to ring me and let me know that the immune drug worked, and you can come home in a couple of days.
Going home without you is going to be horrible, but being here without you is horrible because I miss all your grumbles and the way you talk in your sleep!
It's times like this I really need your dad to tell me that he loves me and everything is going to be fine. But he only just left, and he just complained about work.
I should really get some sleep. I should take advantage of it because you will be coming home soon, and I won't be getting any of it!
I love you
Mum
xoxo
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Dear Princess,
It's 12:30 AM and I have never done so much crying in all my life. This morning you were mine, I could hug you or pick you up whenever I wanted. You got photographs done by a professional photographer in a pretty denim dress, you had a bath and was so beautiful floating in the water. You loved it. You hate anything going over your head though, vest, top, anything, you scream your little lungs out. Your head must be sore from the vacuum.
The nurse noticed you were a bit yellow, so they did a heal prick blood test for jaundice and coombs disease????
One of the nurses came in later in the afternoon around lunchtime and said the test came back a little high for jaundice so you would need to go under the UV lights in a humidity crib.
Your dad and I stole you away from the ward which we got in trouble for and went downstairs to get some lunch (the hospital food is revolting!) you looked so content and everyone commented how cute you were.
Then we got a call from the ward to ask if you were with us and advised that all babies have to stay on the ward and also your dad's family was there waiting for us, and that the crib was ready for you.
I came up, hardly said two words to your dad's family which I felt pretty bad about. I was completely composed while they told me of the results, the Jaundice, the risks etc. It wasn't until you were naked and they went to put your little sunglasses and Tubigrip over your head and you started screaming that I couldn't compose myself anymore. I burst into tears.
Your dad was talking to his family but came over and comforted me a bit. I calmed down when you did, then I started again when I needed to leave you. I can't believe 48 hours ago my waters broke. It felt so long ago.
Anyway, your dad's family started asking questions about what was going on and I told them I didn't want to talk about it. Your grandma wasn't too impressed by I didn't care. Luckily your dad had asked them to leave before I was going to tell them to.
As soon as I knew they were all gone, I collapsed on the bed and cried, and cried, and cried.
You had another blood test done at 6:00 PM and I fed you once, I also had to express as well because I couldn't give you enough, which was not an enjoyable experience. The poor midwife student had to do it because I couldn't figure it out.
Around 9:00 PM the midwife came around and told us that the blood results have come through and the jaundice levels had increased despite the lights and you would need to go across to the specialist ward to go under more photo...something...lights. I cried again.
You were due for a feed at 10:00 PM so I went across and started to feed you, but you wouldn't take the breast and the pediatrician said to come straight to the other ward, which is where you are now, under 4 UV lights and a Billy Blanket light, a drip in your tiny hand, tubes attached to your ankle to take your pulse and I'm so helpless.
I stood there and watched you cry and I couldn't do anything. It was so upsetting. Your dad was good though, he asked all the questions. The results came back positive for Coombs Disease, so they are going to give you a drug to fight the antibodies or something.
Apparently, my blood type and your blood type are different, and they are fighting, so your blood needs to become stronger so they are giving you a drug that will help you do this. Hopefully, the drug and the lights will help lower your Jaundice levels.
If not, you will need to have a blood transfer exchange where they take some of your blood out and put in whatever blood group is yours, if it gets too high, your chances of having an intellectual brain disorder are pretty high.
That won't happen.
In about 24 hours, they are going to ring me and let me know that the immune drug worked, and you can come home in a couple of days.
Going home without you is going to be horrible, but being here without you is horrible because I miss all your grumbles and the way you talk in your sleep!
It's times like this I really need your dad to tell me that he loves me and everything is going to be fine. But he only just left, and he just complained about work.
I should really get some sleep. I should take advantage of it because you will be coming home soon, and I won't be getting any of it!
I love you
Mum
xoxo
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Click here to go to the next journal entry
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