6th July 2014
Two years later
6th July 2014
Dear Princess,
A couple of weeks ago, everything was perfect! Your dad and I have been really happy. I was even looking at wedding venues because I felt it was closer than it ever had been in a really long time. Then your dad sat the entrance test to get into the army.
He has been thinking about it for awhile, and just like many other ideas he comes up with, I didn't think he would actually go through with it. But he is. He sat the entrance test, and he did well. Of course, he did, because he is smart!
They gave him a list of jobs he could choose from. My world crumbled, all of a sudden I was scared to lose him, scared he would die on the front line, scared he would change, scared of all the unknowns and scared to be left with you for so much time while he was away on training, and god forbid if he gets deployed.
I plunged back into depression, it really does suck and no matter what I said, your dad had made up his mind. He actually said, what I wanted didn't matter to him, so now I'm stuck dealing with it.
You are 4 now, and such a handful. Being an only child, you demand our attention constantly. But you are a beautiful and funny, and very logical little girl with a personality just like your dad.
At the moment, you want to be a princess or a helicopter lady! You are addicted to Disney movies, especially Frozen and you sing the soundtrack ALL THE TIME!!!
So I sat down with your dad...and broke down the wall of silence (with wine this time, I think) and we talked about all my fears. As normal, he was logical and squashed all but one.
I asked for my name to be put on all the legal documents, bank accounts, houses, everything, because I didn't want to have to fight for everything if your dad got shot or killed. So that was agreed.
I asked to get married because it was important to me, regardless if he believes it is just a piece of paper, but looking at an unknown future as an army wife (grr) that piece of paper is more important to me that ever before...and he agreed!!!
I also said I don't want to rent when we move to Brighton, I want to live in our apartment, but he refused. I guess I can deal with that one. It's a long way off yet anyway. You only go to school in a year and a half. Can you believe it? Time has flown.
We also talked about what jobs I can get if he goes away. I finnished my degree last year, and I'm looking for a labratory job, but a lot of them have shift work, which will more often than not conflict with your dad's army schedule, but being in the reserves, he doesn't have to attend all the sessions, so if they clash, hopefully we can work something out.
The next thing I have to change is being OK to look after you on my own again. That's going to be interesting. It took a long time for your dad to come around, but now he does help to give me a break. He may not look after your basic needs, but he does play with you, read you books and listen to your constant chatter. I already do mostly everything for you, but I'll miss your dad if he leaves.
We message each other or talk to each other several times a day, then when we are at home, we still don't stop talking. Maybe that's one of the reasons I love him.
So I guess I just have to wait to find out how my cards play out.
Love you
Mum
xoxo
Was this the first entry you read. Head back to the start so you get the full picture.
Click here to read the next journal entry
6th July 2014
Dear Princess,
A couple of weeks ago, everything was perfect! Your dad and I have been really happy. I was even looking at wedding venues because I felt it was closer than it ever had been in a really long time. Then your dad sat the entrance test to get into the army.
He has been thinking about it for awhile, and just like many other ideas he comes up with, I didn't think he would actually go through with it. But he is. He sat the entrance test, and he did well. Of course, he did, because he is smart!
They gave him a list of jobs he could choose from. My world crumbled, all of a sudden I was scared to lose him, scared he would die on the front line, scared he would change, scared of all the unknowns and scared to be left with you for so much time while he was away on training, and god forbid if he gets deployed.
I plunged back into depression, it really does suck and no matter what I said, your dad had made up his mind. He actually said, what I wanted didn't matter to him, so now I'm stuck dealing with it.
You are 4 now, and such a handful. Being an only child, you demand our attention constantly. But you are a beautiful and funny, and very logical little girl with a personality just like your dad.
At the moment, you want to be a princess or a helicopter lady! You are addicted to Disney movies, especially Frozen and you sing the soundtrack ALL THE TIME!!!
So I sat down with your dad...and broke down the wall of silence (with wine this time, I think) and we talked about all my fears. As normal, he was logical and squashed all but one.
I asked for my name to be put on all the legal documents, bank accounts, houses, everything, because I didn't want to have to fight for everything if your dad got shot or killed. So that was agreed.
I asked to get married because it was important to me, regardless if he believes it is just a piece of paper, but looking at an unknown future as an army wife (grr) that piece of paper is more important to me that ever before...and he agreed!!!
I also said I don't want to rent when we move to Brighton, I want to live in our apartment, but he refused. I guess I can deal with that one. It's a long way off yet anyway. You only go to school in a year and a half. Can you believe it? Time has flown.
We also talked about what jobs I can get if he goes away. I finnished my degree last year, and I'm looking for a labratory job, but a lot of them have shift work, which will more often than not conflict with your dad's army schedule, but being in the reserves, he doesn't have to attend all the sessions, so if they clash, hopefully we can work something out.
The next thing I have to change is being OK to look after you on my own again. That's going to be interesting. It took a long time for your dad to come around, but now he does help to give me a break. He may not look after your basic needs, but he does play with you, read you books and listen to your constant chatter. I already do mostly everything for you, but I'll miss your dad if he leaves.
We message each other or talk to each other several times a day, then when we are at home, we still don't stop talking. Maybe that's one of the reasons I love him.
So I guess I just have to wait to find out how my cards play out.
Love you
Mum
xoxo
Was this the first entry you read. Head back to the start so you get the full picture.
Click here to read the next journal entry
Comments
Post a Comment