5th February 2010
5th February 2010
Hey,
I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself. Why am sticking around to be with him. He doesn’t care, he stopped pretty much all affection and all he cares about is himself and has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t care if I’m not happy.
I’m just the fucked up one who is holding onto shit.
I told your dad tonight that I’m sick of staying at home while he goes to the gym. I have nothing to do, the TV doesn’t work, the Internet is fucked because it is so slow and I’m sick of watching episode after episode of crap on my laptop.
Why can’t he just ask his best friend to meet him at the gym instead so I can use the car?
Is it that much to ask? He doesn’t need to use it while he’s at the gym. But he doesn’t see it that way. I almost cried in front of him about it and he laughed at me, that just confirms it all.
I can’t even catch a taxi anywhere because I don’t have any money. I don’t know what I did to deserve This. To put up with his shit and feel so crap.
I’m even cooking his fucking dinner and I’m not even hungry and he’s not here. I wish I could walk away from everything. Just start fresh, just you and me. I’m worth so much more. I should have understood when he said last week that he doesn’t care that I’m not happy as long as he is and isn’t interested in changing anything.
I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t give you these journals sorry. It’s full of nothing but heartache. I should just let him go. He’s not worth it.
Mum
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Hey,
I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself. Why am sticking around to be with him. He doesn’t care, he stopped pretty much all affection and all he cares about is himself and has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t care if I’m not happy.
I’m just the fucked up one who is holding onto shit.
I told your dad tonight that I’m sick of staying at home while he goes to the gym. I have nothing to do, the TV doesn’t work, the Internet is fucked because it is so slow and I’m sick of watching episode after episode of crap on my laptop.
Why can’t he just ask his best friend to meet him at the gym instead so I can use the car?
Is it that much to ask? He doesn’t need to use it while he’s at the gym. But he doesn’t see it that way. I almost cried in front of him about it and he laughed at me, that just confirms it all.
I can’t even catch a taxi anywhere because I don’t have any money. I don’t know what I did to deserve This. To put up with his shit and feel so crap.
I’m even cooking his fucking dinner and I’m not even hungry and he’s not here. I wish I could walk away from everything. Just start fresh, just you and me. I’m worth so much more. I should have understood when he said last week that he doesn’t care that I’m not happy as long as he is and isn’t interested in changing anything.
I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t give you these journals sorry. It’s full of nothing but heartache. I should just let him go. He’s not worth it.
Mum
Start reading the journals by clicking here.
Click here to be taken to the next journal entry
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