24th August 2014
24th August 2014
Dear Princess,
Here I go again, trying to write down my thoughts so a bad situation can be justified. Your dad has been a bit off since last Saturday. He's been quiet, not saying much, not calling me or text messaging me multiple times a day like he normally does. I thought I would give him space. It didn't work, so yesterday I asked what was wrong and I wished I hadn't.
He didn't say much, except that I stop him from doing the things he enjoys doing. The army and four-wheel-driving. About 3 weeks after he committed to the army, I told him I was over my shock, and that I would support him. Then apparently it was too late because he had stopped going to the gym because I wrecked it. That's an excuse and a half.
About four-wheel driving, I admit, I haven't always been a huge 4WD advocate. The Patrol has let me down multiple times and I have been in multiple car crashes since having it, It's also expensive, so the timing hasn't been right for a long time but I do enjoy the destinations I get to see. So I said I would be happy to go four-wheel-driving more often.
So those are the two things making him break up with me. I knew it was coming. It always does. So what, 6 weeks ago he agreed to marry me, now he's breaking up with me... again. Just like old times, we get engaged, he breaks it off. We are finally happy, he gets scared of commitment.
So this time, I'm left wondering whether I should fight for what I want. All my life all I've only ever thought of giving my children a chance for a childhood that I didn't have. I only saw my dad every second weekend, and a week in the school holidays, and now the relationship I have is really sketchy. I rarely see him, rarely speak to him. We get along when we are together, but that's about it.
I always wanted a perfect family like my Aunt and Uncles. My cousins were always supported, looked after and loved. They are so caring, light-hearted and funny. There is so much love in their home. I found out last night that they met at the football grand final when they were 16. So sweet! and that's what I want for you.
Parent's who both love you. Parents who will give you whatever you want or need. A good education in the one spot so you can build up your forever friends. I don't want to move around a lot like I did, I want you to be set up in life with money, and most of all, have your mum and dad in the one home, preferably married, happy and looking forward to a future together.
It's not a fairytale, it's monogamy and I guess those are the values that I want you to have as well.
On the other hand, your dad has broken up with me too many times I have lost count. We have never really been "together" since the first break up a week before I found out I was pregnant. We have been more friends than anything else. So do I call this relationship quits?
Do I sell the house in Coomera to give us some money to finish the renovations in Endeavour Hills? Then sell that to pay off the debt, which leaves the apartment in Brighton.
The house that I want to live in, but your dad doesn't. I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on my own, but maybe we keep the apartment as a joint investment for your future, and I live there???
Or, if I found some cheap apartment to rent in the school zone, maybe I could sell my spirit to live there and hope to God that I never have to move.
Your dad always breaks up with me when I'm not financially independent. It sucks. I wish I could just afford to say, "you know, this environment is toxic, I'm moving out". But I can't afford to.
I have applied for over 170 jobs and all I've had are a few interviews, and this temp job with a recruitment agency.
I don't know. I just hope your dad decides what he wants, one way or another and I will just have to deal with it either way. I really think once the Brighton apartment settlement goes through we can start spending money again, and things will get back to being on track.
Until then, I guess my relationship with your dad is back to being in limbo.
On a positive note, you are growing up so quickly. You are 4 years old and you know your alphabet, you can count to 20 and you know some random numbers after that. You can write most of the alphabet and you can write "Dad."
Last night at my uncles birthday, you were the star of the party, you danced all night long and even strangers were giving you hugs and telling me what a beautiful girl you are.
You are also very fond of your baby cousin!
I love you beautiful
Mum
xoxo
Was this the first entry you read. Head back to the start so you get the full picture.
Dear Princess,
Here I go again, trying to write down my thoughts so a bad situation can be justified. Your dad has been a bit off since last Saturday. He's been quiet, not saying much, not calling me or text messaging me multiple times a day like he normally does. I thought I would give him space. It didn't work, so yesterday I asked what was wrong and I wished I hadn't.
He didn't say much, except that I stop him from doing the things he enjoys doing. The army and four-wheel-driving. About 3 weeks after he committed to the army, I told him I was over my shock, and that I would support him. Then apparently it was too late because he had stopped going to the gym because I wrecked it. That's an excuse and a half.
About four-wheel driving, I admit, I haven't always been a huge 4WD advocate. The Patrol has let me down multiple times and I have been in multiple car crashes since having it, It's also expensive, so the timing hasn't been right for a long time but I do enjoy the destinations I get to see. So I said I would be happy to go four-wheel-driving more often.
So those are the two things making him break up with me. I knew it was coming. It always does. So what, 6 weeks ago he agreed to marry me, now he's breaking up with me... again. Just like old times, we get engaged, he breaks it off. We are finally happy, he gets scared of commitment.
So this time, I'm left wondering whether I should fight for what I want. All my life all I've only ever thought of giving my children a chance for a childhood that I didn't have. I only saw my dad every second weekend, and a week in the school holidays, and now the relationship I have is really sketchy. I rarely see him, rarely speak to him. We get along when we are together, but that's about it.
I always wanted a perfect family like my Aunt and Uncles. My cousins were always supported, looked after and loved. They are so caring, light-hearted and funny. There is so much love in their home. I found out last night that they met at the football grand final when they were 16. So sweet! and that's what I want for you.
Parent's who both love you. Parents who will give you whatever you want or need. A good education in the one spot so you can build up your forever friends. I don't want to move around a lot like I did, I want you to be set up in life with money, and most of all, have your mum and dad in the one home, preferably married, happy and looking forward to a future together.
It's not a fairytale, it's monogamy and I guess those are the values that I want you to have as well.
On the other hand, your dad has broken up with me too many times I have lost count. We have never really been "together" since the first break up a week before I found out I was pregnant. We have been more friends than anything else. So do I call this relationship quits?
Do I sell the house in Coomera to give us some money to finish the renovations in Endeavour Hills? Then sell that to pay off the debt, which leaves the apartment in Brighton.
The house that I want to live in, but your dad doesn't. I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on my own, but maybe we keep the apartment as a joint investment for your future, and I live there???
Or, if I found some cheap apartment to rent in the school zone, maybe I could sell my spirit to live there and hope to God that I never have to move.
Your dad always breaks up with me when I'm not financially independent. It sucks. I wish I could just afford to say, "you know, this environment is toxic, I'm moving out". But I can't afford to.
I have applied for over 170 jobs and all I've had are a few interviews, and this temp job with a recruitment agency.
I don't know. I just hope your dad decides what he wants, one way or another and I will just have to deal with it either way. I really think once the Brighton apartment settlement goes through we can start spending money again, and things will get back to being on track.
Until then, I guess my relationship with your dad is back to being in limbo.
On a positive note, you are growing up so quickly. You are 4 years old and you know your alphabet, you can count to 20 and you know some random numbers after that. You can write most of the alphabet and you can write "Dad."
Last night at my uncles birthday, you were the star of the party, you danced all night long and even strangers were giving you hugs and telling me what a beautiful girl you are.
You are also very fond of your baby cousin!
I love you beautiful
Mum
xoxo
Was this the first entry you read. Head back to the start so you get the full picture.
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